God’s Word to Parents and Children
Ephesians 6:1-4
[1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
[2] Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
[3] That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
[4] And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
In an appendix to his Catechism, Dr. Luther listed various responsibilities that members of a family had toward each other, husband and wives toward one another, parents toward their children, and the like. He ended this list with this wonderful little verse: “Let each his lesson learn with care, And all the household well share fare.” One can pretty well tell how old you are if you still remember these words because most of the newer Catechisms don’t have them. I wish they did, especially concerning our text that lays the responsibilities of parents to their children, and children to their parents, and holds out a promise of temporal and eternal blessings. Though it addresses children and fathers specifically, these precious words apply to each of us, for we have all been children at one time or another.
The text begins, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." It is interesting that the apostle would address the children in his congregation. This tells us something, doesn’t it, namely that the Ephesians brought their families to church and that, in itself, is a strong lesson to every Christian parent. There was little point in St. Paul addressing children, if children weren’t there. Children were very important to the apostle. He saw them as perhaps the greatest blessing of the divine institution of marriage. Not all married couples are blessed this way, but his words are certainly a strong warning against the prevalent crime of abortion, which allows murder to those parents who want to be free of the imagined burden of bringing up children.
" Children, obey your parents" , writes the apostle, because God said so! God put this commandment into everyone’s heart. Every child all over the world deep in his or her heart knows this, but many young people don’t like it They don’t want to recognize that God put their parents in charge. You see, God doesn’t speak with a loud voice out of heaven telling children what or what not to do. He gave parents that job! Moreover, He wants young people to know that some day He is going to hold them accountable for their behavior. " The eye that mocketh at father, and despiseth to obey mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it." Proverbs 30:17. Those who defy this commandment of God not only bring God’s judgment upon themselves, but also upset the very basis of society, which is the family.
Children of a godly family, however, obey their parents for a better reason than just because God said so. They obey because they have learned to know love, the love of a heavenly Father who for Jesus’ sake forgives their sins; the love of a mom and dad who want the best for them, who discipline them out of love, who day after day pray with them and teach them His word. This teaching has to start from the cradle, and dare never stop, because the devil never gives us rest, but as a roaring lion looks for every chance to plant in our families the seeds of anger and rebellion and disobedience.
As an encouragement both to children and to their parents, the apostle reminds us that God has attached a promise to this commandment. Every commandment has a promise, but this commandment has a special one: " that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." It reminds children that there is a blessing to obedience. By listening to their parents, they can save themselves a multitude of problems in later life because parents have been there and done that, and would do anything to spare their children from the pitfalls of life. By listening to your parents, says the Lord, you children may live long on earth, as Jesus promises every one who puts His word first, " But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you ." Matthew 6:33.
When a father or mother holds a child in their arms, the prayer in their hearts if not on their lips is this " O may it be well with thee." This is true of any parent with natural feelings, but it is particularly true of one of God’s children, for a Christian parent has altogether different expectations than parents of the world. The worldling wants his child to be prestigious, to have a job that makes much money, to be able to wear purple and fine linen, to have so much of this world’s goods that they can figuratively tear down their barns and build bigger ones. They want their children to be famous and to have all the things that they themselves never had.
What expectation do you have for your children? The over-riding prayer of every Christian parent has to be this, not that his child primarily be famous or marry some renowned person. Christian parents look beyond that. They look to another life. Their dearest hope is that their children will some day join them in heaven. Of course, we want the best for our children in this life, but most of all we want for our children what our heavenly Father wants for them. " Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16. And again, "Train up a child in the way he should g and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6. Every one of us in church this morning wants their children to grow up, first and foremost, as Christian young men and women who cherish Christ and His word above all things, and who, some day, will bring up their own children with the same set of values.
Now St. Paul has a very specific word to fathers: " Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Without question, mothers are definitely included. When God created woman, He created her as a fitting helper to assist her husband in every way, especially in the bringing up of the children. In many ways, mothers are more involved in that than fathers are. Who prays with and for the children when she puts them to bed? Who struggles day after day to bring them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord while dad is at work? The point here, however, is that ultimately the father is in charge; the final decision rests with him, and it is the father whom God holds responsible. Dr. Luther wrote concerning this commandment, “parents cannot merit hell any more quickly or thoroughly than by failing to do their duty by their children.”
When the apostle cautions parents not to provoke their children to wrath, he is drawing a line between punishment and chastisement. Most of the time we use these words loosely to mean the same thing, but there is a difference. It all depends on what is in the heart of the parent. If a parent punishes the child out of anger, then it is wrong. If a parent, however, chastises a child because he loves that child so much that he wants him to learn from his mistakes, then its right. How often isn’t it true the disciplining is a lot harder on the parent than on the child. Solomon wrote, "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." Proverbs 19:18. Sin does horrible things. It tends to make children disobedient and parents tyrants and both are wrong. In no way do we want to give up our authority and allow our children free license to do whatever they want. At the same time, we must be careful not to create bitterness and resentment. When, after being punished, a child tearfully says he or she is sorry for what they did and asks us to forgive them, it would be a mistake to continue to harp on the matter. Once it is over, we need to forget it just as God doesn’t remember a single sin of ours’. " Thus saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more." Jeremiah 31:34
Finally, who can begin to live up to the expectations of our text? The best of us fail, and many times parenting seems like an impossible job. Then remember, God knows that. That is why He sent His Son to earth, to forgive us our sins, to carry our burdens and to give us the strength, parents and children alike, to remain faithful unto everlasting life.
"Let each his Savior trust with prayer, And all the household well share fare.”
This sermon was preached by Pastor Dommer on October 14, 2007